Whah, whah, whah...

I'm not feeling very social - online - recently. Not sure why.

I've been spending a lot of my free time playing silly Facebook games, they
are stupidly addicting. I knew I shouldn't have even glanced at one. They're
like homeless puppies, you just can't give 'em up.

Work has been slow this week, this whole month seems slow since I'm waiting
on not only my Nook but also Star Trek on Blu-Ray. Amazon gave me a great
price and promised it would be on my doorstep the day it was released. I
wonder if my Nook will be shipped with the same speed? That's one thing that
rocks about Amazon - their shipping with high profile items.

As much as I hate to admit it, because I really wanted to keep breastfeeding
& pumping until she was a least a year old, I think I might stop
breastfeeding soon. I can't seem to keep up on the medication that keeps my
supply even sufficient enough (we've been having to give her bottles of
formula at night before bed), and even if I do there's no promise that my
supply will even last much longer. Plus, I can't even fathom dieting and
losing weight while doing this and recently I've become so disgusted with my
body. That great feeling I had from knowing that I'd successfully lost all
the weight I put on with the baby is gone and now I'm just left with the
realization that I was fat before the baby too.

But I feel there is a lot standing in my way. I know that if I thought about
it, I could get past it all, but it's hard. I need to learn how to cook -
and to find recipes within my budget and experience level for just two
people. I also need to make the time to exercise as I know that dieting
alone will only do so much. My schedule is very limiting because I have to
wake up at 5am to go to work - and once I get home I just want to spend time
with my family. Most nights I'm in bed by 8:30-9pm, it's a grueling schedule
but it's not changing until AT LEAST Christmas.

But, now that I think about it, I can do it. I can change my schedule at
Christmas, breastfeed until then which'll take me to at least 9 months, and
then start trying to get myself into shape. I hate being a fat mom. I hate
perpetuating the American stereotype of fat, lazy, and careless. I do care.